Finding Love Through ALS | Lisa Valentine Clark | #140
Love, laughter, and learning to live fully even when facing terminal illness – these are the powerful themes that emerged from our conversation with Lisa Valentine Clark on the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast. Lisa's story of marriage through her husband Christopher's ALS diagnosis offers profound insights for anyone seeking to strengthen their relationship through life's most challenging circumstances.
Lisa and Christopher's love story began at Brigham Young University while performing in a stage play – she as a chicken, he as Satan. This humorous beginning laid the foundation for a 25-year marriage filled with laughter, creativity, and deep friendship. As Lisa shared, "We started off as friends. That's the thing that I remember the most – doing something ridiculous and just making each other laugh." This thread of humor and friendship became the sturdy foundation that helped them weather the devastating storm of Christopher's ALS diagnosis in 2020.
What makes Lisa's story so compelling is how she and Christopher approached his terminal illness. Rather than retreating into despair, they chose to embrace life fully. When Christopher received his diagnosis, Lisa initially thought they should pause everything. Christopher's response was transformative: "You can do whatever you want, but I'm not going to live like that. I'm going to live my life and live it to the fullest." This philosophy guided their approach through his illness – adapting continuously while still creating, connecting, and finding joy.
Perhaps the most touching aspect of their journey was how they continued to turn outward toward each other even as circumstances grew more difficult. Lisa spoke of going "all in" on caregiving, while Christopher remained focused on his family's wellbeing. Even as his physical abilities declined dramatically, Christopher orchestrated an elaborate surprise 25th wedding anniversary celebration just two days before his death – calling in friends to help create a magical evening when he could no longer speak or move. "Who does that while they're dying?" Lisa reflected. "Chris Clark does that."
Their story illustrates a profound truth about marriage – that it's not about keeping score or ensuring everything is perfectly equal. As Lisa put it, "Be the one who loves the most, who cares, don't keep track." This radical approach to marriage means being your partner's biggest cheerleader and fan, focusing on creating a life together rather than simply pursuing individual goals side by side. It means seeing the best in your partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt, which in turn inspires them to become their best self.
For couples facing health challenges or any significant life crisis, Lisa offers this wisdom: "Just go all in, just take care of them. Don't worry about the consequences. That kind of service creates a deep love that is hard to describe." And for those who have experienced loss, she shares Christopher's advice: "You don't honor the love that you had with someone by ceasing to exist or giving up. You honor it by going out and loving and creating and living and being present in your life."
The ultimate lesson from Lisa's story is that joy remains possible even in our darkest moments – but we must be present enough to recognize it when it appears, which often looks different than we might expect. By choosing to focus outward rather than inward, by embracing what is rather than dwelling on what should be, and by understanding that love is always a gift worth giving generously, we create the foundation for a marriage that can withstand even the most devastating challenges life throws our way.