Four Keys To A Happier Marriage | Jeff Dew | #141
Recent research has uncovered four powerful keys that can significantly strengthen any marriage, regardless of its current state. In a fascinating conversation with Dr. Jeffrey Dew, a professor at Brigham Young University's School of Family Life, we explored these essential elements and how they can transform relationships.
The research, which analyzed data from over 2,000 individuals across the United States, specifically focused on actionable factors within a couple's control. Dr. Dew and his colleagues from the Wheatley Institution and the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia identified commitment, protectiveness, shared religious attendance, and regular date nights as the four most influential factors for marital happiness.
Commitment emerged as a foundational element, with Dr. Dew emphasizing the importance of intentionality in marriage. In our busy lives filled with career goals and daily responsibilities, marriages often get pushed to the back burner. The research suggests that deliberately making your spouse and relationship a priority—placing them high on your list of daily concerns—creates a foundation for marital happiness. This means turning toward each other daily with small acts of affection and connection rather than taking the relationship for granted.
Perhaps the most surprising finding was the significance of protectiveness in marriage. Dr. Dew explained that while they didn't specifically define "protectiveness" in their survey, the data strongly indicated this wasn't about physical protection but rather emotional safeguarding. Protectiveness manifests as loyalty, defending your spouse's feelings, standing up for them in social situations, and consistently having their back—even when they might be wrong. This creates a profound sense of security and trust that allows both partners to be vulnerable and authentic with each other.
The research also highlighted the importance of shared religious attendance. Couples who attend religious services together—regardless of faith tradition—report higher marital satisfaction. Dr. Dew suggested extending this shared spiritual experience into home life through discussing sermons, reading religious texts together, praying together, or sharing spiritual music. These shared religious experiences, both public and private, create deeper connection and shared values.
Perhaps the most actionable finding was the clear benefit of regular date nights—specifically, two or more per month. While scheduling consistent date nights amid busy family schedules can be challenging, the research shows a direct correlation with marital happiness. Dr. Dew offered creative, low-cost ideas for at-home dates, including reading a book together, pursuing a joint hobby, taking walks, or creating an in-home movie theater experience. The key is making consistent, intentional time together a priority.
Beyond these four keys, Dr. Dew also shared insights about financial management in marriage. His research indicates that shared financial decision-making and joint bank accounts correlate with higher marital satisfaction. A recent experimental study even provided causal evidence that newlyweds randomly assigned to join their finances reported higher marital happiness over time compared to those who kept separate accounts. This shared approach to finances builds trust, transparency, and unity.
The overarching message from Dr. Dew’s research is profoundly hopeful: we can actively build stronger marriages through simple, intentional daily actions. By prioritizing our spouse, protecting them emotionally, sharing spiritual experiences, making time for regular dates, and approaching finances as a team, we create the conditions for a thriving relationship. Marriage, as Dr. Dew beautifully described it, is like a plant—needing daily sunshine and regular water rather than occasional grand gestures.