Start With RELATE To Build A Stronger Marriage Connection | Sonnet Hintze | 192
Premarital education is the underrated shortcut to a stronger, calmer marriage. On Stronger Marriage Connection, we talk with licensed marriage and family therapist Sonnet Hinsey, founder of Building Healthy Foundations for Couples, about helping engaged couples solve problems before they become painful patterns. The big idea is prevention: treat your relationship like routine maintenance, not an emergency repair. The hosts also point listeners to proven relationship assessment tools like the RELATE assessment for couples and the READY assessment for singles, which help you see strengths, stress points, and blind spots early. When couples normalize getting support while things are good, they reduce stigma and create a shared language for growth.
A central theme is how love changes over time. Sonnet explains the early “euphoric love” stage and why many couples get scared when it fades, assuming something is wrong. Using research-informed frameworks from John Gottman and Gary Chapman, she reframes marriage as a daily choice that becomes easier with simple, repeatable habits. Gottman’s Sound Relationship House highlights pillars like trust and commitment, plus skills such as building friendship, nurturing fondness and admiration, and responding to bids for connection. Those bids can be tiny, like “look at that plane,” but turning toward your partner in small moments builds emotional safety and long-term closeness.
The conversation also digs into Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and receiving gifts. The value is not the label, but the clarity it creates. Many couples have good intentions yet “miss the mark” by giving love in their own preferred style. Sonnet adds a practical twist: once partners learn their love languages, they build a specific action plan. Instead of vague advice, couples identify concrete behaviors that fill their partner’s “love tank,” like helping with a stressful task, planning device-free time together, or offering intentional touch. That specificity lowers defensiveness and makes follow-through far more likely.
Beyond connection skills, Sonnet’s six-hour weekend premarital class includes conversations many couples avoid until conflict hits: budgeting and finances, expectations for daily life, and guided prompts drawn from Gottman’s “questions to ask before marriage.” She also introduces a few cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to help partners separate personal triggers from real relationship issues, so communication stays clear and respectful. For married couples, she offers an online date night course built around the love languages, broken into short sections for busy schedules, with guided steps and take-home worksheets. Listeners also learn about Utah-specific perks, including a discount on a marriage license for completing a qualifying class, plus resources and ways to stay connected with Stronger Marriage and the Utah Marriage Commission.