A Great Marriage Starts With A Great You | Greg Denning | #133
Creating an Extraordinary Marriage: Lessons from Greg Denning
In the latest episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast, hosts Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz Hale welcomed Greg Denning, a remarkable family lifestyle consultant who shares powerful insights on building an extraordinary marriage while managing the demands of fatherhood and career. Greg's journey from a troubled childhood and homelessness to creating a thriving family life offers invaluable wisdom for anyone looking to strengthen their marriage.
Greg's story begins with hardship – leaving home at 16 due to difficult family circumstances, experiencing homelessness, and feeling utterly alone. It was during this painful period that he developed a vision for the marriage he wanted. On a cold Christmas Eve, sitting alone in a freezing room, Greg began writing down the qualities he wanted in his future marriage. This list became a blueprint that he carried for years, eventually helping him recognize his wife Rachel when they met. Today, after 24 years of marriage and seven children, Greg and Rachel have built an extraordinary life together, traveling to over 60 countries and creating a location-independent lifestyle that supports their family values.
One of the most compelling concepts Greg shared was the "Silent Film Test" – asking yourself: "If my life were a silent film with no sound, would it be obvious to observers that my spouse is the most important person in my life?" This powerful visualization forces us to examine whether our actions truly align with our stated priorities. As Greg emphasized, it's not enough to say our marriage is important; our daily choices must reflect that priority in tangible ways. This means consistently saying no to anything that competes with our marriage relationship and making strategic investments of time and energy with our spouse.
Greg introduced the framework of "micro deposits" and "macro deposits" for marriage investment. Micro deposits include daily acts of affection, attentive listening, and regular date nights. Macro deposits involve bigger investments like quarterly getaways and annual "honeymoon trips" – dedicated time for deep connection that Greg and Rachel prioritize every year despite having seven children and busy professional lives. These intentional investments create the "extra" that transforms an ordinary marriage into an extraordinary one.
For men specifically, Greg addressed the immense pressure of balancing provider roles, fatherhood, and marriage. Rather than being crushed by these responsibilities, Greg encourages men to "eat pressure for breakfast" – to embrace challenges and strategically increase their capacity. This begins with physical health, as Greg emphasized how taking care of your body provides the energy needed to show up fully in all areas of life. He also stressed the importance of systems and strategic thinking to handle complexity without becoming overwhelmed.
Perhaps most profound was Greg's insight about marriage improvement: "We do not live at the level of our hopes; we live at the level of our habits." True transformation comes through consistent actions, not just aspirations. Even if only one partner begins making changes, the relationship equation shifts. As Greg explained, "If two plus two equals four, and I start working on myself and become a three or four, now four plus two is six – the marriage is better even if I'm the only one working on it." This "power of one" approach empowers individuals to initiate positive change regardless of their partner's initial participation.
The conversation also touched on the critical importance of listening skills, particularly for men. Greg shared how learning to truly listen to his wife – without trying to solve problems or respond immediately – transformed their connection. Simply being present, holding her hand, and letting her process her thoughts out loud created profound intimacy. This skill doesn't come naturally to many men, but it can be learned and practiced with tremendous relationship benefits.
Greg's story and advice remind us that extraordinary marriages don't happen by chance – they're created through intentional choices, strategic investments, and consistent effort. By refusing to settle for mediocrity and continuously working on ourselves, we can build marriages that thrive rather than merely survive. The journey begins with a decision to pursue excellence in our relationships and a commitment to doing whatever it takes to create the marriage of our dreams.